im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
