you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you inspire me to be a worse person
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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