Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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