That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
