why im i the only drunk person in the library?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
