I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
