I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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