just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
