i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You can't just leave with hair like that
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
