Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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