Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
