I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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