shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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