Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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