I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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