Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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