She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
