he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
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