i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
