just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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