If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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