Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
so much tequila, so little girl.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
