Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
