GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
two words...techno handjob
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
