the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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