ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
