I feel like abortions should bother me more
I need to stop coming to work sober
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Your penis caused this!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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