i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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