Can i not drive my cunt home
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
