you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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