The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
