Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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