I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
