My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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