some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
