You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
