we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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