Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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