mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
