hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
