I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
