so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
