There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
