I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Panties = found
Randomize
