just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
