I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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