I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Pants are for mortals
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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