My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
