Christians are straight up FREAKS
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
