He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
