i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
