Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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