I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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