Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
