i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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