So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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