im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
