chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
