I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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