we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
