I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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