We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize