i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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